Patriotism
by ryderishot
Summary: A group of football players catch up with Ryder after the "Men of Mckinley" calendar shoot and give him a patriotic wedgie. Rated T because I'm paranoid.


**This is the first fanfic I've ever written. I just thought of this and thought it sounded funny. Please be kind when reviewing. **

Ryder grinned to himself as he went to get changed. It had actually been really fun posing for the "Men of McKinley" calendar, and he had to admit to himself that he looked HOT in his Fourth of July outfit. Stopping by a mirror, he couldn't help but strike a few more poses. Flexing his muscles, he admired his biceps before closing his eyes, dramatically spinning around and pointing.

"I want YOU to serve America!"

To his surprise, he heard laughter. Opening his eyes, he found himself staring at Bobby and Phil from the football team, both caught in various stages of laughter. Blushing, he dropped his hand back to his side and went towards his locker.

"Hey, Mr. America, aren't you going to tell us to stay in school and not do drugs?"

Trying to ignore the teasing and laughter, he opened his locker and grabbed his pants. To his surprise, Phil grabbed his jeans, tossed them back in the locker and closed it again.

"Somebody say you could get dressed again?"

"What?"

Bobby grinned as he came over. Tossing an arm over Ryder's shoulder, he said teasingly, "Come on, Mr. America, those boxers really show your patriotism. You should show those off."

"Totally," Phil agreed, grinning. "I mean, everybody's going to see your boxers anyways, you may as well show them off a bit more."

"Yeah, right." Ryder laughed as he went to open his locker again, only to have Bobby block it.

"You know, Phil, Ryder here doesn't seem very patriotic."

"He really doesn't. Mr. America should really show off how patriotic he is."

"I think we should help him, with that, don't you?"

"Absolutely."

"What are you guys talking about?" Ryder asked nervously, not liking the sadistic grins his teammates were now wearing. He had suffered his share of pranks from his teammates, particularly since joining the New Directions, and considering his was only wearing his boxers he felt very vulnerable.

Even so, he wasn't quite prepared for Phil to grab him under the arms and pull him back while Bobby suddenly grabbed his socked feet. He struggled frantically as they lifted him off the ground and started to carry him towards the door. "What are you guys doing? Put me down!" Ryder shouted frantically.

"Sorry, dude, but we've got to make you more patriotic!"

To Ryder's horror, they carried him out of the locker room and into the hall. Luckily, most of the students were done for the day, but there were still a few girls giggling and pointing. He increased his struggles.

"Guys, seriously, put me down!"

"No way, dude!" laughed Bobby, shifting position to hold onto Ryder's feet more tightly while Phil let him slip out of his grasp slightly to grab hold of Ryder's wrists and stop his arms from flailing around. Struggling as best as he could, Ryder suddenly realized that they were going towards the entrance of the school.

"Seriously, guys, what are you doing?"

Bobby grinned wickedly. "Let's just say that we're making you more patriotic by flying the American flag."

"No!" Ryder shouted desperately, suddenly realizing his fate. Laughing, they carried him out the door and towards the flagpole. A few of their teammates were outside, and upon seeing the show raced forward eagerly to join the torture. As Bobby and Phil held him securely, another teammate lowered the flag.

Carefully Bobby put his feet down. The second they touched the ground, Ryder frantically tried to run. For a single moment he actually broke free, only to have 4 football players immediately catch him. With Phil holding him in a headlock against the pole, Bobby expertly secured the American flag boxers to the flagpole. One of the guys ran out to his truck, and came back with duct tape which was wrapped around his wrists in front of him.

"No! Come on guys, please! Come on, no!" Ryder begged helplessly, attached to the flagpole and held in place by his teammates.

"Ready, guys? Three, two, one!" With that, Bobby pulled the rope and started to raise him up. As the team mockingly sang "The Star Spangled Banner" and saluted, Ryder was lifted directly into the air. When he was at the top, they stopped.

"Come on guys, let me down now." He called, hoping that once they had their fun they'd leave him alone.

"See ya, Mr. America!" To his horror, the team headed towards their cars in the parking lot.

"Guys, let me down!" He shouted.

He wasn't quite sure how long he stayed hanging there for, but he looked at the few students trickling out of the school and called for help. Most laughed and pointed, to his humiliation several took photos, and things got quiet after they left.

Ryder tried desperately not to think about the pain he was in from his boxers being way up his back. He moved his feet along the flagpole trying to find relief, but his socks made it too slippery and he couldn't get any traction. His hands were tightly bound, and he pulled them up to his mouth and started trying to use his teeth to get through the tape. It was hard because his wedgie was killing him, and every time he moved his boxers seemed to go higher and torture him that much more. Even if he could get his hands free, he was fairly high up and had no idea how to get down safely.

He was so engrossed in his efforts to free his hands that it was only by pure luck that he noticed some movement out of the corner of his eye. Looking over, he saw Finn about to get into his truck.

"Finn!" He yelled as loud as he could.

Finn paused, looking around. Had somebody just called him? He didn't see anybody, so with a shrug he opened his door.

"Finn! Help!"

Ok, somebody was definitely calling him. Looking around, he still didn't see anybody. Carefully, he walked back towards the school.

"Hello?" he called, wondering if it was a ghost.

"Up here!" Wailed the voice.

Finn looked up, higher, higher…Finally he caught sight of Ryder, dangling from the top of the flagpole.

"Dude, are you ok?"

"Help me down!"

Finn was, to his shame, an expert at working the flagpole after joining in on the bullying back in the day. It was easy for him to lower Ryder to the ground and help him get the tape off his wrists. Together, they walked back to the school.

"Who did this to you?" Finn demanded, furious. He was going to do everything in his power to stop bullying.

"Just some guys on the football team. I'm ok, Finn, don't worry about it."

"I do worry about it. I'm going to talk to Figgins and Schue in the morning, see if we can't get some kids expelled for this."

"Seriously, Finn, it was humiliating but I'll get over it. It was just a prank, nothing personal."

"It's personal to me, dude. Back in the day I was a big jerk and used to do stuff like this all the time. My stepbrother got the worst of it, he's actually the reason I got you down so quickly. I had lots of practice with this stuff."

"I'll be ok, Finn. Thanks for getting me down."

"Anytime, dude."


End file.
